Irrational characteristics of a found object

Merl found an object in the street on the way to the meeting. Patrick, Paul and Wendy compiled a list of questions to ask the object, without having seen it or knowing what it was. Merl then revealed the object. Merl, Miguel, Patrick, Paul and Wendy collectively interrogated the object to uncover its irrational characteristics.



Where do you sleep?
I do not sleep. I only wait.

Are you allergic to light?
Light is my element and my weapon. I can see wavelengths of light invisible to humans.

Have you experienced death?
I have experienced death without dying – as larvae do.

Do you have a secret?
Not of my own. I preside over the secrets of others.

Do you have a mistress?
I'm never without one.

How do you speak?
At this point in the game, a strange man came shambling over to our table and asked us "Did I leave my case with you?"
I speak through the pronouncements of strangers.

Are you timeless?
I prefer not to say, but I'll outlast all of you.

Where are your gardens?
They are between the span of my legs. My gardens open up each time my legs unfold.

What do you know of the human condition?
Nothing, and I am not interested in it.

Have you ever been loved?
I may well have been. I simply don't care.

Do you like sweets?
Irrelevant question.

Do you rip?
I'm always about to.

Have you been abandoned?
I am not abandoned. I am escaped from.